Today we are meeting Tash and Marthe. A long-distance couple who continuously defies the odds, while making room for love, life and travel. You can find them on instagram at _breakingthedistance
1) Please introduce yourselves, your pronouns and how you identify.
Tash (English), I identify as a bi-racial lesbian, pronouns she/her. Marthe (Dutch) I identify as bi-sexual, pronouns she/her.
2)Please talk about how y’ all met. (Go in-depth as much as you desire.)
We met back in January whilst on a surf retreat in Bali. It was a returning visit for Tash, but it was Marthe’s first time to the island. We arrived on the same day, just a few hours apart. I (Tash) was in the middle of a break up at the time and wasn’t so open to love, but potentially some holiday fun.
Marthe was intending to start the year enjoying her newfound freedom after ending a casual relationship. However, it didn’t take long before she had fallen head over heels. There was some tension in the beginning but after spending 5 days together in Nusa Penida, we knew that we had both found ‘The One’. We have written blog posts from our perspectives of this time. You can read Marthe’s HERE and Tash’s HERE
3) As a couple that is currently in a long-distance relationship, but makes regular trips to see each other. What’s the hardest part about not being able to be in each other's arms every day?
There are so many challenges each day when you are long distance. Miscommunication can happen so easily and you have to work to stay connected. It’s also the fact that you're living two very separate lives.
I (Tash) found it hard this summer when I was on tour performing and Marthe was at Amsterdam Pride. We would speak each day and I was exhausted from traveling, feeling moody because I missed having my own space. Meanwhile, Marthe was on cloud 9 after going to events and being in the parade. This led to some difficult moments, but the main thing is that we always work to have an understanding of the other person's situation.
It’s also hard missing out on the simple things, like cuddling up on the sofa at the end of the day. Cooking together, being able to kiss whenever we want. That’s what I (Tash) miss … Marthe’s kisses, (sorry, super soppy I know).
4) What do you both do that currently keeps y’all long distance?
I (Tash) am a Performer. I sing/dance and work as a presenter. It’s a big industry, but London is a major hub for auditions and work. Marthe lives in Amsterdam and works as an oncology nurse, and whilst it is a very exciting city, it’s not known for Musical Theatre, and there is also the language barrier.
In 2020 Marthe will move to London, so we will break the distance then!
5)How often do y’all communicate when y’all aren’t together? Is there anything in particular that y’all do to make sure communication is fluent and constant?
We communicate continuously throughout the day. We are always on WhatsApp to one another and we make sure to have at least one video call per day, but it’s usually multiple. To ensure that it’s constant, we always plan it the day before, based on each other's schedules and the time difference. Even though it’s only an hour difference, this can sometimes be a major factor, especially when it’s late at night and Marthe working different shifts.
6) I understand y’all are temporarily living together for the next five weeks, but when are y’all planning to “Break the distance” permanently and where?
Ha! Not soon enough. We are planning to go traveling at the beginning of 2020 for 8/10 weeks. When we get back, Marthe will move to London.
7) What do you think is the best part about being a long-distance couple, if any?
Believe it or not, it does have positives. We have a different appreciation for our time together, we see it as sacred. It means that we get more exclusive time than most couples. As we are only seeing each other for a few days each month, we make sure not to plan anything else. Our time is very rarely shared with other people unless it’s for a particular occasion.
We would also have to say that our level of communication is really high and very strong. We don’t have the normal defaults like, sex during an argument or slamming the door and walking away. We have to figure it out with words and as a result, we are good at communicating with one another and creating space to be truly honest with how we feel.
8) What is the challenge y’all face in being a long-distance couple and how do y’all get over them?
Hmmm, for me (Tash) my main challenge is missing each other. It can be at the root of a lot of other things, like jealousy, frustration, moodiness, etc. It all comes down to the fact that we miss being with each other and we feel like an element of both our lives are on hold until we are properly together.
I get through it by focusing on the positive aspects and planning. OMG, we LOVE to plan together! We have the next 3years already planned out (I'm not exaggerating). Of course, there is room for change, but it’s the plans that help me when I miss Marthe the most.
For me (Marthe) missing each other is also the main challenge. It can sometimes come in unexpected ways when I am somewhere and I just really want to share it with Tash.
9) Any final thoughts to help other long-distance couples put there?
We have written a couple of blog posts for this. You can check them out on our website (https://www.breakingthedistance.com/category/ldr/).
Most of all we would say, hang in there. If you know you have found ‘The One’ and you believe it with all that you are, then the Universe will work with you to make it so. We often look at all the tiny moments that had to happen for us to meet. It shows us, that without a doubt we are meant to be together.
Thank you Tash and Marthe for allowing us to get to know y'all a little better and informing us a little more about long-distance couples. Please follow Tash and Marthe at _breakingthedistance on IG.
And if you would like to be featured, please feel free to shoot me an email at TheKyannSimonee@gmail.com and we'll be in touch.