Updated: Aug 31, 2019
I wish I was one of those girls who was so confident when it came to dating that I could just swipe right, put on my clothes, head out and instantly get a girlfriend. I would feel so positive about my dating abilities that I wouldn’t question myself as I’m headed out the door going to meet my next date.
I haven’t been out for long, maybe three years (2016) and when I did come out, I already had a girlfriend, so I of course dated her before we made it official. But I knew I liked her, we worked together and being with her was easy because I knew she liked me too. We established our interest after a few weeks of dating and became official four months after. So I was never on the “dating scene,” I just took my time, got to know her and then, we dated.
But now, I am on the scene, out and proud, but also feel like a virgin. Actually I am a “dating virgin,” because up until now, I didn’t date, I don’t date. I stick to myself and I hope I find someone along the way. But how can I do that if I don’t date? Yea I know, confusing.
So why does dating women make me nervous?
Well, because I don’t want to have the conversation of “oh I’ve only had one girlfriend,” sometimes I feel embarrassed by that, one girlfriend, one woman experience. (I’ve actually had someone make fun of me because of it.) I feel so out of the loop and behind on the learning curve. What if I’m not good enough? Would my personality be enough for her? Am I too much? Is my sex game up to par?
These are some of the questions I ask myself when I’m on Bumble, HER and Tinder, occasionally, sometimes when I’m on the date too. I don’t want to be judge by my lack of experience with women, and I’m afraid I won’t find an open minded person who would actually want me. Again, silly. But I do keep to myself and just work, until I get the urge to hop back on the app and hopefully find someone of interest.
Okay, so here’s why I’m alive...
I’m single, open-minded and ready to meet new people. For the first time in my life I get excited, jittery, and hyper when I decide that it’s time to meet someone new. It awakening and I’m alive for the simple fact that is a new experience for me, dating as a LGBTQ+ woman, actively looking for other woman in whatever capacity that looks like. I’m open to all possibilities and nothing is off limits until it becomes uncomfortable.
Even if the date doesn’t go as planned, that’s one person that I might be able to call a friend later on down the road, or that’s one person that I know I just don’t vibe with. Either way, call me happy and alive because I’m getting the chance to explore me, in my new found sexuality.